I feel like, first off, I should mention… the sandwich. I definitely found a sandwich in the parking lot at Skunk Hollow the other day… and I definitely ate it. No questions. Parking lot sandwich. In my belly. It was delicious. $7 sandwich from a local deli too! Totally wasn’t gonna let that go to waste. Granted, it was warm by the time I found it… but, you know, risks were assessed, I thought about it briefly. Pffft. Food poisoning. I got this. I’m a scavenger. I’m a vulture. Fun fact: vultures are immune to botulism. Whatcha gonna do about that, haters?


So I’ve been rivering a lot. I finally can roll so I spend all my spare time on the water. A lot of alone time lately – aside from the many familiar and unfamiliar social faces on the water – it’s good. Suicide runs aren’t necessarily smart, but I prefer to run alone. And I do enjoy the concern when people hear I’m so green and paddling solo. Always stirs a smirk. I gotta say that I love and know the SFA Gorge, so I’m golden.

Anyways… this crazy kid from Alabama deems it necessary to flip me while I’m relaxed, skirt popped, by a beach. So much displeasure. If it weren’t for his pretty face I may have murdered him right then (but I may just be using that as an excuse because he can run faster than me) (but I also knows he lives in a weak-walled, fabric tent and I ALSO know where he keeps that tent… so it’ll all pan out in the end). I then proceeded to flip in Satan’s Cesspool, where I swam because I injured my shoulder on a rock while trying to roll. More displeasure. One of my goony friends decides he’s the bee’s knees and seal launches off the rocks at Satan… but he got a little cocky and he definitely fell on his face. I cringed.

Basically… it was a carnage kind of day.

Suicide run from that point forward on a day of carnage. The River Gods wanted blood! I flipped in Bouncing Rock and rolled in the hole, I broached at Hospital Bar and barely saved my ass, I flipped at Catcher’s Mitt, barely rolling, and found face flop who joined me and praised me for rolling.

“Do you trust me?” He paddled up and took my blade above Surprise rapid.

Oh the significance of that question… TRUST. I TRUST NO ONE! Raaaah!!! – No, not really. But that’s a rude answer. Are you gonna give me my paddle back? Come on… we’re running out of time!” Surprise grew closer, it’s a… surprisingly large and powerful hole.

After underestimating his strength when I tried to free the padlle, I accepted that we were running it together… counting on him – oh the blasphemy of every ounce of my being… self sufficiency gone, dependent on him, vulnerable, watching his control – to keep me upright and safe through the hole.

With a smirk and a half sarcastic well-wish, he ricocheted me into the hole, throwing me my paddle before it was too late as he darted to the side, laughing.

“YOU ARE THE DEVIL!!!!!” My voice was drowned out by the river’s roar. I push through. High strung, if I was cut I would have bled acid. I was spooked but running hard and strong. Oh, it felt good.

And then a raft ran me over.

I cursed under my breath as gravity won. Roll, flip again, and roll once more.

The other day I stupidly told a friend that I wanted a stronger roll. The river decided to test that today.


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