Hey Fatty

On a whim, I decided that I should be proactive and look out for my health. One too many blows to the head from poorly placed seal launches or extreme pressure changes (yes, all my head injuries are from kayaking) has weakened my hearing. But I’m far too cheap to pay for a doctor, so I used Sierra College’s free health services.

They do the routine stuff. She takes my height and weight.

“Talk about squeaking by,” she says snidely with obvious disapproval as she visually scans me. “Your BMI is just within the healthy range.”

So basically, what you’re trying to say is… I’m fat. No, no, never you mind that my waist is pretty damn thin and that I engage in high energy sports that demand physical fitness and health, never you mind that muscle weighs more than fat and that my bones are denser than average, by your snazzy BMI calculator’s standards: I have a borderline weight problem; I am almost obese. Golly, I guess I need to go on a power diet.

So much offense.

But as it turns out, my right ear’s hearing is still within normal limits, though slightly impaired. But I’m still obese.

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